Ed Sheeran's album X takes me to a whole new place. The peacefulness and honesty of his voice brings the lyrics to life and shows me things in the depths of my mind. It forces me to explore in the unknown corners of my thoughts. It brings out a calmer and more collected piece of me, a piece I often search for in my state of anxiety. Sweet serenity ...is what he brings. His lyrics are honest, his music true, and his voice organically beautiful. He doesn't just write a good song about something he is going through, he makes you FEEL it each and every time you hear it. He pushes the boundaries and brings a unique flavor to the table. It takes a true artist to do what he has done. He has gone over and beyond what anyone could have expected. We all knew that Ed could write a hit, but did we see an album that tops charts for weeks on end and blows us away? Every single track is just pure genius and you can't help but fall in love with each one over and over again. I am beyond proud and excited for him. He deserves every bit of the attention this album is getting, if not more. Couldn't be more proud to be a Sheerio. Thank you to Ed for making such an incredible and inspiring album. You are smashing it.

Let Yourself FEEL!

Let Yourself FEEL!

Dear You, 

So often I feel like I am closed off from the world. Like there is some piece of information that everyone else go that I didn’t. And in those moments I realize that I am just figuring myself out. I`m not quite to the point of knowing who I am yet. And so I keep trudging along in this journey called life. 

I try to stay positive and keep myself motivated. I am by all means a determined person. I am driven and excited and positive when it comes to my outlook on what lies ahead in my future. But there are days when I feel down. On those crumby days I feel as tho I cam completely out of my own body. A stranger to the world and the life I am living. And as I start to slip into these thoughts of doubt and frustration, the harder I try to push myself to be positive. I won’t let myself accept the feelings of despair. And this is where I am troubled with the question, Am I keeping myself on track by trying to save myself from slipping into these thoughts and feelings, or am i robbing myself of the process of pain and healing; an opportunity to feel and to grow?

At this point I am just curious if letting myself fall either way is worth it? Is it worth feeling vulnerable? The last thing I want is to fall back into the position I started in. I have worked so hard to get to a place where I feel like no one else is in control of my life. But that is just the point. I feel like no one has control, not even me. 

I feel as tho, I have not given up control, but i have just not been using it. I have been coasting through life on autopilot. I have forced myself to become so numb to avoid the pain. I have been so numb for so long that I almost crave the pain. All I want is to feel connected. Somehow to something or to someone. I feel disconnected. A friend of mine and I used to describe it as “like I`m in a dream I can’t wake up from”. You feel like you know that you are in a dream, its not real life so you can’t control what happens but you also can’t wake yourself up from it. It`s a really odd feeling. 

I know that I need to just let go of fighting so hard and just let myself feel. Feel the hurt and let myself heal, take a chance and feel the love too. But I am scared. I am horrified. And I hate that because this is not me. I am not the girl who is afraid to love. I am the girl who does nothing BUT love. That`s why this is so confusing for me. I don`t know which way is up and which way is down. I just need some direction. I need to let go of what is holding me and find my voice. I need to let myself be free. Free to love and to hurt and to accept all of the pieces of the past that have made me who I am today.I just need to let myself FEEL. Because without feeling, am I even human? Who am I? Really